Archive for December, 2015

Well, it’s been a while since I posted anything… But I recently and unexpectedly felt like to paint again some of my Polaroids. Planing on a big piece as well soon….

I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I don’t believe that’s something I should change about myself. I fall in Love, some would consider too easily. But I don’t think it’s true as for me a initial sentiment of love or crush is something that happens rarely, with a certain type of person. And boy, when it hits, does it feel nice! I never feel so vulnerable, afraid, desperately excited and alive, than when I fall in love. Of course Love is a changing and evolving thing. But you can be in love for 5 minute or 5 decades, it doesn’t matter; Love is still Love.

I’ve been very moved by the movie “The Danish Girl”, I literally cried for 2 days. I felt close to the couple dealing with something that nobody else but them could understand. I guess it made me reflect about my own sentiments of being permanently misunderstood by everybody, even people I dearly care about. I listened to the soundtrack while painting, which put me in a state of nostalgic happiness.


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I recently met a young man who taught me what the term Ghosting meant. I wasn’t familiar with it and I still don’t really understand it to be honest. I will never understand people’s lack of courtesy toward someone you’ve been very close with, even if it was only for a couple nights.

I didn’t expect it, I was happy being unattached and alone for the first time in a long time. I was reading Ted Hughes’ Birthday Letters with a glass of wine at the Immigrant bar while waiting for him. This was just another kill time evening for me. Once upon arrival he sat down and we started talking without pauses, I was very caught into the coldness of his eyes and his smile. Something secret and sad at the same time about his person made me intrigued and charmed. On our way to another bar he suddenly grasped my hand, pulled me toward him and kissed me. I felt surprised and a little scared as that reminded me of someone who used that same charm on me once and broke my heart not once but twice. But I felt so exhilarated I chased away the bad thoughts and then, loosing track of the number of drinks I had, did not want to let go of these lips of his.

We went home of course, his touch felt new yet familiar. I’ll never forget the way he held me afterwards. It was that kind of embrace I felt only with a couple men before, where I felt like I could stay in these harms forever because it felt so comfortable and reassuring.

He came over a second time only a couple days or so later… He came to visit the studio where I was working. Then we spend part of the afternoon together. I was so excited to see him again after he left I couldn’t control my emotions.

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I know I can be a bit overwhelming, but I’m French, and I’m a romantic.  I always am ready for something real. I keep my heart open because I always feel like waisting time is such a shame when you feel genuinely strong about someone for no reason. And knowing all can be abruptly stopped tomorrow with death so heavy upon us these days in regards of the latest world events. Who knows how long we will have on this earth? I think too many young people feel immune to death, and when they realize what they missed it’s already too late.

After a few weeks of enthusiastic exchanges but no time to schedule anything, I suddenly got no answers at all. I was mad at myself because I just let myself get excited about getting to know him better.

Now I keep singing to myself that little song;

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away

You told me once dear, you really loved me
And no one else could come between us
But now you’ve left me and you love another
And you have shattered all my dreams”

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If I never see him again, at least he will have provided me an inspiration for the Love’s a Bitch series I didn’t have in almost 3 years.

“What happened casually remains -”

~D

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